Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
