Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
