I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
