I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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