don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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