I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
