First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
