When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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