The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you had me at cake vodka
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
