do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
