He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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