dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
