Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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