so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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