After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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