it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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