Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
