Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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