Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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