the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
