I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
