It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
