i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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