How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
