He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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