So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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