he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
