I CAN MOONWALK!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
