Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
