apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
