I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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