he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
