i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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