Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Porn is love you can see.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
