I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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