This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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