first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
