This girl is more easily done than said...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
