You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
