i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize