I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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