My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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