one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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