he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
