He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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