Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
