Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
