I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
