dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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