What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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