I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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