I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
