So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
