She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
