I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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