You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
