"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
