True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize