im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
