walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Randomize
