That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
