I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
