I'm passing your future prison.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
