They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
