Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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