How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
