i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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