I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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