Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
