Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
