I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
