Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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