Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize