So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
