Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
