lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
