Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
organizing the empties. That sober.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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