we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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