Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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