a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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