we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
